quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
