Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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