Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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