wat bout pragnant strippers??
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
