I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
