things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
