Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There are leaves in my underwear?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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