I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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