I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
