Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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