I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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