Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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