I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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