In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
