So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize