Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
