Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize