I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
