i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my being single is dangerous.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
