Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
