Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
