Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
