and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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