I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
