We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
