Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize