Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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