you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
