youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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