At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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