I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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