...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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