Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
