Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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