Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
