I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
