I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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