help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize