I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
