Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
