I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
