I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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