They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
