carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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