I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
