found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
