At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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