I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
