y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
