In the future we'll all be gay
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
smell my finger.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
