She is in my trunk
Screwed.edu
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
