I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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