I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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