Will you blow on my dice?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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