I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
