I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
