well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
