We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
