Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
