And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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