There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
