God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
