His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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