you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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