I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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