forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize