We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I skipped work to stalk him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
