my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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