Sorry, I don't speak sober.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
