i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
